Is it gross?

To celebrate the Olympics, I’ve chosen the movie Stick It, a movie about the greatest sport of all time: Women’s Aerobic Gymnastics.

Stick It is about an teenaged ex-gymnast Haley Graham (played by Missy Peregrym, you may recognize her from the WB hit TV show Black Sash starring Russell Wong). Haley Graham’s got a tough-girl attitude, refusing ever to practice gymnastics again… That is, until her antics land her in court where the judge gives her the option between practicing gymnastics and going to juvenile hall.

Graham chooses gymnastics over incarceration, and after practicing for a few months under Burt Vickerman (played by Jeff Bridges), an ex-trampolinist and women’s gymnastics coach, frowned upon by the rest of the gymnastics community for being in the illustrious competitive women’s gymnastics coach just for the money, Haley and a group of other gymnasts are invited to compete at nationals.

At nationals, we find out that the reason that Haley had refused to ever practice gymnastics again was because she found out that her mother had left her father for her previous gymnastics coach DURING HER LAST NATIONALS COMPETITION. As in, she was about to win, but just before her last event, her coach was like, “oh by the way Haley, I’m getting with your mom.”

After a few events where her teammates are robbed of good scores at the nationals, the film takes a turn as Haley goes on a crusade to screw the national gymnastics association for inconsistent scoring practices. By colluding with other competitors, Haley is able to choose the winner of each event by convincing other competitors to scratch (or in other words, not compete).

In the sequel Stick It 2: In it to tie it, we find that the finalists elected by Haley’s techniques fail to qualify for the Olympics, and the US goes unrepresented in women’s aerobic gymnastics for the first time since the inception of the modern Olympics.

Thanks to Netflix, I was able to watch Teeth today. What’s teeth about? Well, basically, picture Jess Weixler on a 90 minute journey, thinking:

Oh no, I have teeth in my vagina. I’m cursed!

…or am I…

My only real complaint about the movie was that they’d show cooling towers from a nuclear power plant spewing smoke. Nuclear power plants don’t work like that. This had nothing to do with the plot.

And that’s it for this edition of Cut to the Chase. Who here’s excited about Death Race, opening August 22nd?

What do we think about the movie that pairs Russell Wong and Jet Li for the first time since Romeo Must Die 2: 2 Romeo 2 Must Die? Well, it all came down to this:

Pilot: I’d tell you to buckle up, but I was too cheap to buy seat belts!

Rick: ha ha ha why am I laughing?

Al leans over to Kyle

Al: What kind of person comes to watch these movies?

John Hannah’s character is shown with vomit on his face. The woman in the row in front of me starts laughing hysterically and clapping.

Al: Oh.

But at least now, we can look forward to Mummy 4: Walt Disney’s Cryogenically Frozen Body.

“Hey kid, I’m a computer. Stop all the downloading!!!”

Let’s cut to the chase. In this movie, the Rock is a former soldier that returns to his home town find that these guys that run a casino are selling drugs. So he beats them up with a plank of plywood. When he is arrested and tried for assault, he tells the jury that if they return a verdict of “not guilty,” he’ll run for sheriff and clean up the town. Once he’s sheriff, he fires the corrupt police. When the corrupt police attack him with fully automatic weapons, he kills them. And then he kills the casino people.

Overall: great action film! My only gripe: the Rock really didn’t have to run for sheriff. It seemed superfluous considering the number of laws he broke as sheriff. I mean, if you’re going to break the law as sheriff, you might as well forget about the sheriff office and break the same laws as a civilian. He could’ve just said to the jury, “hey, let me go, and I’ll go kill these guys, and then you can let me go again…” ehh… just a thought.