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Sep 20 2011
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Al Observes Things

A “return” to homework?

Many of you who read my blog may have been out of academia long enough that you don’t remember what homework was like. I’m here to describe it to you, based on my current experiences retaking General Chemistry.

  1. You log onto your class’s website to receive instructions about going to another site.
  2. You create an account on the other site with a completely different set of credentials, and you give them your credit card number so they can do whatever they want with it.
  3. The site tries to upsell you on the eBook. The eBook is the same as the textbook that you spent up to $150, but it’s more… uh… electronic.
  4. You spend a bunch of time learning a crazy language for talking to computers via plaintext <input> fields. For example, H2O is written as “H_2_O.” Superscripts, like in OH+, are written as “OH^+^.” It’s like a cat smiling at you!
  5. If you get a set of problems right, the site tries to encourage you:

ontheball

But it does so sometimes in an awkward way like it didn’t expect you to succeed:

yesyoudidit

And sometimes it just says crazy ass shit:

elvis

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Sep 19 2011
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Al Observes Things

Wrong Subway Line Chicken

MTA_Subway_EastsideEarlier today, the roommate Mike and I were headed back to our apartment from Union Square. To do this, we’re supposed to take the uptown 6 (green line). However, I thought it’d be funny if I proposed that instead we take the N R Q (yellow line), which takes you to either Queens or Brooklyn. That’s when I realized that this was potentially a great game:

“Wrong Subway Line Chicken.”

How to play:

  1. On the way to the subway, one person proposes that everyone take a subway line that does not take you where you want to go.
  2. The first person to back out or insist on taking the right subway line loses.
  3. Bonus points for suggesting a subway line that takes you somewhere really shady.
  4. If the game ends at JFK International Airport, the game can be continued by proposing a flight. Bonus points for international destinations. Canada does not count.

Keys to the game:

  1. Having really low opportunity cost. This game favors people that are unemployed, single, and have nothing better to do than to drag their friends down with them in the name of humor/honor.
  2. Having low relative opportunity cost. Well, okay, having nothing better to do is a general good way to win points, but really, it doesn’t help you if your friends are also unemployed. If this is the situation you’re in, be sure to propose to play this game when you know that your friends are in a rush for some reason.
  3. Being completely oblivious as to where the subways take you. This makes everything feel like an adventure. Jamaica Center? That sounds nice!
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Sep 02 2011
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Al Observes Things

Preparing for a move: just the tip… that I give people.

I’ve had two reasonably crappy experiences with relocating to a new home recently, but there’s always been one fun part of it: finishing all of your booze so that there’s less to move. In today’s post, I chronicle what I’ve been drinking recently and  talk about how great drinking is in general!

1. Dalwhinnie

dalwhinnie

When I arrived in New York, Mike, Jeet, and I celebrated by buying a bottle of liquor that only I liked. Yay! Dalwhinnie is a delightful, slightly smoky single malt Scotch. I like to say that it warms the cuckolds of your heart, but Mike likes to remind me that the proper word is “cockle.”

2. Hoegaarden

hoegarden

Jeet and I were looking for some beers that would be good to drink while watching Jersey Shore. Since Jeet wasn’t really a big fan of beer, I thought I needed to introduce him to something that would be flavorful but not too heavy. I settled on Hoegaarden, a unfiltered and delightfully spiced wheat beer. Fun thing I learned about Hoegaarden: they are not fun to drink a lot of to make moving easier.

3. Woodchuck Amber Cider

woodchuck cider

Mike flat out does not enjoy beer, and any time he tastes liquor, he makes this awful face like a child eating broccoli. I set out on a mission to find something that he could enjoy. Cider is sweet and alcoholic! Mike is okay with this.

4. Pinot Project Pinot Noir

pinotproject

No idea what this is, but it was on hand, and it needed to be drank, so in the words of Putty, “gotta support the team.”

5. Mike’s Hard Mango Punch

MikesHardMangoPunch

I invited a bunch of people over to motivate me while I packed and offered to buy booze in return. When I saw that QFC had  Mike’s Hard Mango Punch, my reaction was, “Mike’s Hard has a new flavor???”

Ionno! Sometimes you gotta mix it up with something sweet!

6. Bitburger

bitburger

To be clear, I like a good Bud Light in the morning, but I think pilsners get a bad name when people associate them with less flavorful, mass-produced American beers like Budweiser and Coors. Bitburger is a pilsner done right! It is best served cold while you’re sick of packing and kinda sitting and enjoying the summer air.

7. Le Fin du Monde

la-fin-du-monde

Le Fin du Monde is a flavorful abbey-style Belgian trippel. Its alcohol content is relatively high. I’m actually a bigger fan of Delirium Tremens, but La Fin Du Monde seems to be easier to find. This was another “hey guys, drink good beer with me while I pack” beer.

8. Columbia Winery’s Covey Run Moscato

covey run moscato

Any time I drink this, I make up some BS story about how it reminds me of a delightful spring night’s jaunt through the Italian countryside. Over the hills, you can almost see Hannibal’s war elephants traversing the Italian alps and heading for Rome, and in the brook to your right, Silvio Berlusconi is inner tubing with 5 Italian models/actresses. Okay, I’m not a wine guy. I just know that I like the Moscato (enough to tolerate the almost guaranteed hangover).

9. Other stuff

So I think I realized that I should probably cut down on the drinking when I realized that I needed an “other stuff” section to cover all of the other stuff I’ve had over the last two weeks that I’ve had to “finish” to “make moving easier.” There was sake, a box of red wine, and a bunch of other beer. So that said, I’ll just kinda sign off for now.

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Sep 02 2011
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Al Observes Things

Al over the years (as seen by the man)

Hello!

My name is Al, and for those of you who don’t know me, I currently look kinda like this:

al now small

I say “kinda” because that photo is actually more than a year old, but I pretty much still look like this. It’s hard to tell in this photo as my hair is normally invisible against the night sky, but I’ve shaved my head, and I’m not wearing glasses.

However, if you received an email from me at Microsoft over the past 4 years, you saw this photo in Outlook:

image001

This photo was taken in 2006 during my Microsoft summer internship orientation. At the time, I was growing out my hair because it seemed like the “Seattle-ish” thing to do (or I was just kinda of lazy… not sure which it really was). I was a solid 20lbs lighter (though this girl at the ProClub thought I looked heavier in this photo), and I had glasses. The orientation folks took this photo, set it as my “profile photo,” and I thought it was too adorable to change over 40 years (even after I gained some weight, shaved my head, and lost the glasses).

Fast forward back to the present — I’m once again a student, and if you’re a security guard at Columbia and checked my ID, you’d see this photo:

photo

This photo was taken in 2003. I was a senior in high school, and my college needed me to send in a photo to put on my student ID. This school, which I’ve come back to now, has such great record keeping that they’ve kept my student ID photo on file, preventing me from submitting a new photo. As a result, this is the photo on my student ID.

Aww! Old photos! Okay, trip down memory lane over.

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Aug 31 2011
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Al Observes Things

Moving in–Jersey Shore style!

Now that the hurricane’s done with, it’s time to move in to our new apartment… Jersey Shore style!

Remember in season 1 when Angelina moves in with a bunch of trash bags (instead of luggage)?

angelinatrash

Whelp, today, Mike moved into the new apartment first. Here’s a shot I took of what he moved in with:

jerseyshoremike

He had one trash bag full of stuff, and he covered his luggage with trash bags, making them non-rolly, which was moreso inconvenient for the guys actually moving them (me and Jeet).

Next up: some thoughts on how much I hate assembling furniture.

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Aug 30 2011
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Al Observes Things

Ask Rohan–a new question and answer service

Do you ever have a nagging question that you can’t seem to find the answer to? Is Google letting you down? Well do I have the web service for your! It’s called:

Ask Rohan!

Rohan

All you have to do is:

  1. Ask your question
  2. Light the beacon of Minas Tirith

And Rohan will answer!

Use Ask Rohan! for your next query!

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Aug 28 2011
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Al Observes Things

Terms of Enhurricanement

Whelp, that was quick. I was going to provide more in-depth coverage of what it was like living in New York through a hurricane, but I basically just slept through it instead.

Here’s a photo that Mike took of the aftermath:

aftermath

Not sure what that has to do with anything though. We didn’t even listen to any Dr Dre this entire weekend. Here’s a photo that Mike took of E90th and 1st:

poststorm

As you can see, there’s a random umbrella and a bunch of crap on the ground, so it’s pretty business-as-usual in my area of NYC with no signs of a hurricane having passed through.

So did I learn anything from this experience? Probably not. If the hurricane had ben more powerful and actually knocked out the power, it would have really sucked, and we would have all been miserable and unprepared. Ciao!

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Aug 26 2011
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Al Observes Things

Me, Mice, Jeet, and Irene pt 2

So how do 3 dudes prepare for the Irene-ocalypse? Well, since one of us was a former Microsoft Program Manager (and technically still is), we made a spec:

Goals:

  • Don’t die over the next two days

K, now that we got that out of the way, we created a shopping list:

  • Toilet paper
  • Water
  • Food that doesn’t require refrigeration per se
    • Cans of tuna
    • Chinese take-out. Lots and lots of it. The msg preserves it like an Egyptian mummy.

And that’s that for the planning phase! We unfortunate ran into a few snags along the way in the execution phase:

  • We first hit up a super market casually after our post-workout Chipotle run and before we came up with a plan. Once we got into the super market… well, imagine three guys standing around in workout clothes not knowing what to buy and being like, “hey, what are people supposed to get to survive?” A bunch of (attractive) women laughed with (at) us.
  • We didn’t feel like waiting in line, so we went to the super market much later. There was still a long line, and all of the water was sold out. Instead, we bought 3 large containers to hold and refrigerate our own water. Mice and Jeet also bought a bunch of seltzer.

Here are some pictures!

chinese

I wasn’t joking about the Chinese food. That’s enough food to feed the Emperor for weeks and it was only $30. It also has all of your essential food groups: meat, broccoli, and rice.

Photo_46DB3BD1-607A-BAB6-6ABA-BA248C285645

We have large containers with water in it. The lids are not water tight, and they don’t support the weight of the full containers, so you have to lift it by the container. You’ll also notice that there’s more leftover Chinese in there.

And that’s how three dudes plan for survival! Stay tuned for the next segment on actually living through the hurricane!

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Aug 26 2011
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Al Observes Things

Me, Mice, Jeet, and Irene pt 1

Many (some?) of you far from the East coast may be wondering, “what’s the deal with this hurricane? Is Al going to be okay? What about his roommates? Will Al be able to protect them with his massive traps?”

First, I apologize for the title of this blog post. Were Jeet’s nickname “Elf,” it would have been perfect, but it was clearly not meant to be.

Second, here are some semi-quick bullet points that describe how we are doing:

  • Our current residence falls under “Zone C.” It means that we’re likely not going to need to evacuate unless either Irene gets stronger or one of us commits hubris and challenges nature/God/Poseidon.
  • New York in general is bustling! It’s still pretty nice out, and everything is like normal except that grocery stores and super markets are packed with attractive girls buying things that don’t seem to have anything to do with survival.
  • As some of you may know, I’m supposed to have an orientation for school on Monday. However, I received 3 emails saying (in this order):
    • Orientation is still on but stay tuned for updates in case of bad weather.
    • Disregard the last message; orientation is canceled.
    • Disregard all messages from the person who sent the first two; she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. More information is forthcoming.

So that’s it for part 1. Part 2 will be all about how 3 dudes prepare for a hurricane!

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Aug 06 2011
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Al Observes Things, Dieting

Me ripping on an innocent, well-intentioned person cowardly on the Internet

I found this adorable article while I was reading blogs about the season finale of Bachelorette 7. Well, okay, it’s not really an article. It’s just a list, and it’s titled “10 Things to say to a Friend Who Says “I’m So Fat!” In this post, I will be responding to a few highlights from the post.

  1. “Would you say that to me? Okay, so don’t say it to yourself.”
  2. “I think you’re hurting your feelings.”

So, you’re agreeing that they’re fat and just telling them not to admit it because it’s rude?

“Compared to what? Photoshopped magazine covers?”

Legitimately obese people are also “so fat” compared to Photoshopped magazine covers.

“You feel fat? I feel like it’s BS that we judge our bodies by how they look instead of what they can do.”

Bodies can generally do a lot more if they’re not overweight.

Okay, now that I sufficiently sound like a dick, I’ll try to add more clarity and perhaps even be constructive.

First off, if your friend is not actually fat, don’t come up with a line that may leave open the possibility that you agree with their assessment.

If they are fat… well… I realize that sometimes, people don’t want to hear the truth, and they just want to feel better about themselves. However, realistically, someone that is overweight isn’t being done much of a favor if all of their friends are reinforcing the message that it’s okay to be overweight. Aside from aesthetics, with obesity comes serious health risks, and if they want to reduce their risk of having to spend the rest of their lives measuring their blood glucose on a daily basis, they should probably consider changes in diet and exercise.

So what would I say? Well, if they’re male and have <15% body fat or female and <20%, I’d call them an asshole and tell them to F off. If they’re above that but not obese, sure, I’d probably use something in the article above (that doesn’t actually imply that I agree with their assessment of being “so fat.”) If they are actual risking their health, I’d probably ask them if they’d considered making some changes to reduce their health risks. Easier said than done, but that’s probably the right thing to do, right?

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