Is it gross? » alhwang

A letter to the seedless green grape

alhwang — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 01:42:04 +0000

Seedless green grape,

I think you’re great. I know that at your best, you’re cheaper than seedless red grapes and just as sweet. Sometimes, you’re sweeter! I like that often, you are also plumper than seedless red grapes, which I think get away with being deformed more than they should.

Seedless green grape, it makes me sad that people often think that you’re not sweet because you’ve on occasion been not-too-sweet. I bet it’s also partly because you’re green so people associate you with being sour. I wish more people would give you a chance (without raising demand and thus raising your market price).

In conclusion, I know you’re out there fighting the good fight, and I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

The Alcohol Knowledge Test

alhwang — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 01:54:30 +0000

I was at some stupid web site where they have a bunch of personality tests. One of them was called the “Alcohol Knowledge Test,” and the scores they give you at the end are types of alcohols. Clever, right?

…well, not for the people who have little knowledge of alcohol who won’t understand their score.

My views on carpooling with coupes

alhwang — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 05:41:00 +0000

I recently bought a Honda Civic EX Coupe. Sweet ride imo!

But after I bought it, I realized that it would really inconvenience the people that I drive to the gym. This is a bad thing, right?

Upon further thought, I came to the realization that when I give people a ride to a place I’m going, I’m providing a service. Sure, it’s a service that doesn’t terribly inconvenience me, but it’s a service none-the-less, and I should be compensated for it (and certainly not even further inconvenienced by not being allowed to buy a coupe out of courtesy for others).

So what’s the perfect compensation for an occasional ride to the same place I’m going? In my opinion, it’s inconveniencing your passengers by forcing them to have to deal with a coupe. No, my goal isn’t really to inconvenience them, but it amuses me that they’ll occasionally have to deal with sliding the passenger seat and trying to get into the back (twice per ride!)

And those are my views on carpooling with coupes.

Shoe shopping addiction?

alhwang — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 05:32:34 +0000

Last night, I found myself buying a pair of trail running shoes as I wanted to start doing more trail runs, and I thought the extra traction might help prevent injuries due to slippage. Earlier that day, I had come to the realization that I own a lot of shoes, and I was worried that I have a shoe shopping addiction.

How many shoes do I have? Well, I’d imagine that it’s a lot for guys:

Black loafers
Brown loafers
Brown casual Cole Haans (winter)
Blue casual Cole Haans (winter)
Black casual boat shoes (spring/summer)
Gray casual sneakers (spring/summer)
Reef sandals
Mizuno running shoes
Vibram Five Fingers
Mizuno trail running shoes
Nike gym sneakers (older sneakers I just wear in the gym)
Saucony gym sneakers (old running shoes I wear to my boxing gym)
And1 basketball shoes
Merrell hiking boots
Football cleats
Softball cleats
New Balance sneakers (casual)
Saucony sneakers (casual)

As I talked to my some of my friends that like buying shoes, I realized that my appreciation for buying shoes is different from theirs. They like buying lots of shoes and being able to choose which shoe to wear with their given outfits. Realistically, I rotate between two pairs of shoes to wear casually depending on the season. The reason I have so many shoes is that I like shopping for gear for activities. These activities include:

Basketball
Football
Softball
Running
Trail running
Barefoot running
Hiking

And the reason that I have so many sneakers is that I keep cycling through running shoes and reusing running shoes in other capacities that don’t require as much support as running (eg, weightlifting, boxing, etc).

So does this mean that I can still retain my manliness as the size of my shoe inventory is proportional to the number of manly activities I do? Perhaps, but the fact of the matter is that I do enjoy buying OUTRAGEOUS LOOKING SHOES. The MORE OUTRAGEOUS, THE BETTER. Example:

These shoes are BRIGHT ORANGE and HIDEOUS, but when you wear them when you run, people will think that you:

are a serious runner
make a lot of money (because the shoes are so hideous they have to be expensive)
are well endowed (ldo)

So that about sums up my theories on shoe shopping.

Epic songs

alhwang — Fri, 07 May 2010 03:36:46 +0000

I’m keeping track of songs that I consider “epic".” What is “epic”? Well, I can’t define it, but I know it when I hear it. They tend to be songs that make me think of someone on a heroic journey. I imagine Odysseus blasted this music when he was on his way home from the really far away Albertsons.

Rules of listening to epic music:

The volume must be turned up.

Songs that are in the “epic” list are scored in the following categories:

Epic-ness
Inspirational-ness
Elliot-ness (j/k)

That said, here’s my current list:

Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight

Highly epic. Not so inspirational.

Nas – Hero

Moderately epic and highly inspirational

Akon – Beautiful

Moderately epic but not inspirational

Maino – All the Above

Moderately epic and highly inspirational

Can you add to my list?

No. But you can recommend things for me to add to my list.

Prescriptions for eye glasses?

alhwang — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 04:02:29 +0000

Why do you need a prescription for eye glasses? I mean, sure, it’s helpful that optometrists can provide a piece of a paper that tells you which lenses you *should* get, but why should you be restricted to that? Why can’t you just go to a store and try out lenses of varying strengths until you find the one that you like? And why do eye glass prescriptions have expiration dates?

WHAT DO YOU THINK, JUNIOR GUM SHOES?

Why do you do it like that?

alhwang — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 16:52:56 +0000

The other day, Tian gave me a banana which I proceeded to eat in front of him. I removed the peel altogether, discarded the peel, and just held the banana by the fruit as I ate it. Tian looked at me in disgust and asked, “why do you do it like that? You put your hand in contact with the part that you eat. Think about how much bacteria is being transferred to your food.”

That made me think, why DO I eat it like that? Back in the day, I’d just gradually peel a banana as I ate it, keeping germs off the banana, and keeping my fingers clean. I was pretty sure I only started eating bananas like this about a year ago, and I was pretty sure I had a good reason, but I didn’t remember it.

Can YOU figure out why, junior detectives???

If you want to impress girls, why don’t you buy a house?

alhwang — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 01:09:37 +0000

I was at lunch talking about cars. It went something like this:

Al: So I was thinking about just getting a new car, fully loaded with all of the options I want.

Nancy: What’s wrong with your current car?

Al: Nothing’s “wrong” with it, but there’s some little things that I don’t love. For example, I don’t like the grill.

Nancy: When you drive your car, do you notice your grill?

Al: No, but girls do.

Tom: If you want to impress girls, why don’t you buy a house?

WHAT? How does buying a house impress girls? Does I need to buy a *nice* house, or is it just the idea of home ownership that’s impressive. If it’s home ownership, is it the idea that I have money invested in assets? And how do I impress girls with that? I can drive around with an awesome car and be noticed by girls, but I can’t very well bring my house to bars. Should I bring the deed? Or alternatively, if it’s the idea of being well invested, can I just bring my investment portfolio and show her my above-average average annualized returns (which I do have!)

This was Theresa’s response later in the day:

It shows girls that you’re ready to settle down.

WHAT? So should I buy a house in the suburbs and buy a minivan too? And plus, I don’t want to lie to women and make them think that I am ready to settle down, and I don’t think I want to attract girls that are looking for guys that are willing to settle down. I want to find women that can get excited about an awesome car! And I imagine that there are better ways of showing girls that you’re ready to settle down than buying a house before you get married!

So what’s my conclusion for the day? WOMEN HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ATTRACTS WOMEN.

(Okay, neither do I, but I’m just saying…)

(And also, I’ll admit, that was a pretty loosely formed conclusion, but I’m just saying…)

This is Classical

alhwang — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:33:06 +0000

I found this CD on the Zune marketplace called “This is Classical”:

I like CDs that tell me things! Kinda like these:

Also on my mind:

ricing out my BMW?
Survivor: Everyone vs. Parvati?
Parvati Shallow

Facebook’s idea of Microsoft drivers

alhwang — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 06:17:11 +0000

Almost every time I log onto Facebook, I see this ad:

No offense to my fellow Microsoft employees, but I think someone’s got the wrong idea of what we look like.

This is what the ad should REALLY look like: