On this day, the day of American Independence, wave around your American flag, have some American apple pie, and try some of these activities that celebrate things that are uniquely American:
- Charge something to your credit card. Americans love credit! In fact, we can’t get enough of it. Fortunately for us, predatory lenders can’t give enough of it either!
- Complain about gas prices while you drive your truck. Japan is pretty good at making smaller, more fuel efficient cars, but we don’t care. We like our women big and our cars MASSIVE. We like being able to move around a lot of stuff, even when we have nothing to move around. And we like low gas prices.
- Complain about global warming while you complain about gas prices. Because you can’t drive your truck around in a Water World.
- Outsource your labor. When there’s a job to be done, pay someone far away much less to do it.
- Burn your house down while your abusive dad is in it. “Independence Day” by Martina McBride.
Happy 4th of July everybody!
