Is it gross?

Today, I concluded that:

there’s nothing you can do with an iPhone 3GS that you can’t do with a gun"

This can be interpreted in two ways:

1. Any task that can be performed with an iPhone 3GS can also be performed without an iPhone 3GS and instead with a gun that you use to coerce people into accomplishing the task for you. For example:
• Getting directions on the fly
• Finding out where the cheapest local restaurants are
2. Any task that can be performed with an iPhone 3GS can also be performed while carrying a gun in addition to the iPhone 3GS.

However, both are flawed as they’re affected by local gun laws.

I was originally going to write a post comparing the iPhone 3GS with a gun, but then I saw the new Taylor Swift video and had to write about it:

First, this video is adorable. As usual!

But what I find interesting are the parallels between this video and Avril Lavigne’s video for Girlfriend. In Girlfriend, Avril plays a bad girl with black hair covets a guy who’s seeing another girl, also played by herself, but with red hair. She eventually wins him over by terrorizing the other girl.

In You Belong with Me, Taylor Swift  plays a girl with blonde hair who is in love with a guy that’s dating a girl, played by herself, but with black hair. She eventually wins over the guy by showing up to a dance with a nice dress and a makeover.

I also like the video for Taylor Swift’s Love Story as it parallels Romeo and Juliet. The only difference is that in Love Story, the problem is resolved when the guy talks to Taylor’s father, and they resolve their conflicts, whereas in Romeo and Juliet, Romeo and Juliet both commit suicide.

To all you folks dating in the new millennium — I know you’re young and have plenty of time to make mistakes before you find what you’re ultimately looking for. But let me impart some wisdom on you.

A lot of you are looking for a significant other that is:

• smart
• witty
• unique
• successful

But let me warn you — though it may feel like the right thing to do at the time, you’ll regret it. The truth is that all of these qualities are fleeting. The smartest girl you know became a conspiracy theorist. Your witty boyfriend makes jokes that are only funny to himself and his friend Mike. The unique girlfriend is unique in a way similar to the way everyone else is unique. Your successful beau gave all of his money to Bernie Madoff.

What lasts a lifetime, however, is good looks. No one obsessed with the fitness stops going to the gym. Because it eats at them. Like a brain disease. Forever.

My apartment complex people hired the Green Police to go through all of the apartments and make energy-saving optimizations. I was absolutely thrilled to get new, energy saving light bulbs at no additional cost to me. However, in the following cases, I think they may have gone too far:

1. They replaced my personal halogen reading light with a CFL that isn’t as bright.
2. They replaced the pre-existing CFL light bulb in my personal floor lamp with an even weaker CFL light bulb.
3. They replaced my Sonicare electric toothbrush with a non-electric toothbrush.
4. They removed the motor from my blender.
5. They replaced my Hungry Man TV dinners with Healthy Choice TV dinners.
6. My toilet no longer flushes.
7. They replaced my TV with a hamster cage.

What do YOU think?

There’s one phrase that I seem to hear way more than anyone should, and that’s, “…but I don’t want to look like Al.”

Why do I hear it so often? Because whenever the topic of physical fitness comes up, it ends up resulting in someone trying to convince someone else to try lifting weights. And one of the reasons always ends up being, “and if you do, you can look like Al.” To which everyone replies, “…but I don’t want to look like Al.”

So for those of you that want to convince your friends to lift weights, can we all agree on two things: they probably don’t want to look like me, and I don’t want to hear them say that they don’t want to look like  me?

Thanks.

In the following sequence of events that occurred today, I made exactly one mistake. See if you can identify which one it was.

Thursday, February 26

8:59 AM – Wake up. Look out the window and see snow.

9:00 AM – Check work email to see if people are going to work today.

9:18 AM – Head to work

5:40 PM – Head home from work

6:30 PM – Walk to the bar to meet people for drinks.

9:30 PM – Walk home from the bar.

10:55 PM – Make myself some instant Ramen. Crack in 3 eggs.

11:00 PM – Take my contacts out.

I am not perfect. Nobody is. The following is a short tale of a mistake that I made. You will be given the opportunity to think about what you would’ve done in this situation.

Sunday morning, 10:00am – I take out the trash and replace the trash bag.

Sunday evening, 7pm – Upon making dinner, I realize that my meat has gone bad.

What do I do?

Obviously, I should throw it away. But if I throw it away, it’ll likely make my apartment smell bad.

But if I throw it away and then take the trash out again, this will be a waste of a trash bag. My current trash bag is completely empty!

What would you do?

Looking back, I would’ve just eaten the cost of the wasted trash bag and just taken the trash out. What I did instead was:

1. Take out a new trash bag
2. Throw the bad meat into the new trash bag
3. Roll up the new trash bag to make it harder for odor to escape.
4. Toss the rolled up trash bag with the rotten meat into my trash can.
5. Called it a day.

So I managed to find the solution that both stunk up my apartment and wasted the trash bag.